my therapist says, i'm not anorexic
she says, my weight is still good and healthy
i want to get thinner and thinner, so she knows whats going on in my head, because every fucking day is just one thinking: I WANT TO LOSE MORE WEIGHT, I WANT TO BE THINNER THAN HER, I WANT TO BE BEAUTIFUL, I WANT TO HEAR MY FRIENDS SAYING, I GOT TOO THIN
I DON'T WANT TO LOOK 'healthy' OR 'good"!

i'm broken, i cannot think about anything else than losing weight or looking thin. when i'm happy, i want to be sad again, because being sad is the only thing i know very well, i feel good when i'm sad. i love being sad, because being sad is being me


i know, it sounds stupid...