There are days, i'm not sad. i'm not happy. i'm just nothing. i cannot say if it is better than cry all the time. because the times you're crying, you know what you feel and what you think and all these things. but when you're so numb, it is like being out of life. like you're an ghost and you're looking at everything and everybody from above. and nobody knows that you're there...

 I hate myself for this day... and the last week. and the week before... i ate and ate and ate and than i ran in my bathroom for the next hour. i always swear that this was the last time... and the next day it is the same again... but...
the next days are going to be better. the next week i wont eat more than i have to! i bet, i'll stand this. i HAVE TO stand it!
i'm so disgusting....